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Listen below for the newscasts on Joplin MO

6 news

7 news

8 news

Apparently 96.5 the Buzz is extremely disrespectful towards Joplin

If you listened to the news you’d understand why DB is quite confused at this lady’s rant…. No really, listen.

angry

So what did you do to keep yourself from being raptured?

The rapture didn’t happen, I was just curious what you all did to keep your souls outta heaven…. quite twisted really.

rapture

Portugal the Man

Twas Kegs and Eggs today, it twas, and it twer, tweriffic. What? OK,  so maybe we all imbibed enough to kill a small Meridith today, the important thing is this… thank you very much to those of you who made it out, we had a blast. Don’t forget we’re doing it all again Friday with the Airborne Toxic Event! In  the meantime, take a listen to what you may have missed, Portugal played their brains out.

people say

got it all

Untitled316.mp3

Untitled317.mp3

Tomorrow is the best day evar! KEGS N’ EGGS RETURNS

This is important; tomorrow at the Firefly lounge in Westport, Afentra will buy the first 100 people through the door beer and breakfast! AND to top it off, Portugal the Man will be there to perform for you. To sum up, you + Afentra + beer + eggs + Portugal the Man= WIN!

Bonus points to those who can figure out what the hell their name means.

See you there

Everything that is wrong with the Apple store

I can’t believe how the Apple store works, they have these shiny expensive things that want to be purchased,  they work you into this horny tech froth, and then c-tease you at the moment of what should be release saying, “Sorry you can’t buy that.” Listen as DB works himself into a different kind of froth, a rage froth about the Apple store and why they  just need to shut up and take my money.

shutup

The TSA wants to grab your junk….on a train

I'm so glad the terrorists didn't win

Our lovely newswoman Jaime McSundress comes in to deliver the news… Sadly it involves TSA expanding their reach so to speak. I give up

TSA

Hide your weed hide your pie, cause they stealin’ everyone’s drugs up in here

Not this guy….

This guy…

I have never been so dissapoint, and clearly this is actually my fault. I was foolish enough to believe that people such as my hero the Aceman, would have time for weed and pie, sadly things did not go as expected. I don’t fault Mr. Carolla, I just felt the actions were a bit dickish and against alleged pot code. He is a busy man, who takes time to sign everything after the show, I wonder if his entourage signed my now missing pipe. I’ll miss you Easton…

adam

Bin Laden is dead…I NEED A REAL REPORTER

Not Available

With Bin Laden’s death, I needed some hard hitting newsmen to lay down the facts, as I tend to make up my own as I go along (one more time, please note if you are getting your news from me, there is something wrong). Big thanks to E.J. Becker and Jaime fgwasdfeg (can’t spell her last name) from 980 KMBZ for helping out.

Ej

jaime

jaime

CSI Miami: Osama Style

YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

I love you guys, you indulge my inappropriate fantasies about real life. The best thing in life is CSI Miami parodies. I asked to hear your best Osama one liners, you clearly delivered.

carsuo

Hey he’s dead what song should we sing?

Wait, what?

No joke, the first song sung at the spontaneous gathering at the White House was Queen’s “We are the Champions”. Seemed like “Star Spangled Banner” would have been the natural choice, but what ever floats your (up)boat I suppose. What songs would you have sung?

Champions

And I leave you today with this

Hey there gangsta gangsta

BE AFRAID…. of the future

What the hell is happening in PV? Kids shooting kids? You see apparently in this white majority, affluent, white high school, these kids know what is going down. They know all about what “up dog” is (nothin’ wat’s up with you?). And there is nothing, NOTHING, we should fear more than gangs based out of Shawnee Mission East High School! Listen as DB, talks about the difficulty of growing up in a suburb with a large tax base (including his new hit single “Charge Yourself”)

getting sued

Adam Carolla

NO ONE receives oral like the Ace man

ace

What kind of car are you?

Dannyboi

Ah my wife was mad at me for Holly Starr yesterday, so I tried to fix things by using a car analogy, you know, you are what you drive. Well let’s just say I dug the hole deeper this AM. But you were right there to assist me in the digging and for that I am indebted to you forever. What kind of car is your spouse?

trouble

IWOPOTAOW

I want an apology from you George, you know why

It’s Wednesday so that means, you guessed it, IWOPOTAOW! We called a bit of an audible this week, originally esta chiquita wanted an apology from her friends for getting her fired, but halfway through she wanted to call her ex-boss instead. So Danny said:

FUCK IT WE'll DO IT LIVE

shocking

Stupid kids, Chapstick is for eating

No that's not a train coming Timmy, its the candy fairy, she just happens to look like a train.

Confession time, I used to eat Chapstick for the MOTHA FUCKIN FLAVA! How about you, what did you do that was stupid when you were a kid?

stupid

Holly Starr from 38 the spot

booooof…. I mean really, what the hell else can I say?

Holly Starr stopped by to co-host the show this AM, If I had known she was coming I would have showered…wait I did know she was coming

Listen as she relentlessly hits on Danny, and he does every thing he can to fight off her devilish advances…

Holly

Oooooh snap! Drunken debauchery x2 in 1 week? Awwwwww Yeah! Make sure you join us for both, May 17th for Portugal the Man, and May 20th for ATE! 21 or over only, no you can’t beg, no your fake ID is a bad idea as you are not a 56 year old Asian male.

For the rest of you law abiding citizens, please do come and imbibe fermented grain and consume fried chicken embryos. It will be a good time for all you non vegans!

Beldar Approves

Well, lookie here, someone hates DB. Congrats sir, you are the first person ever to do so…wait what’s that? Oh that’s right, Danny’s been hating himself since 1982. But fortunately this piece of vitriolic literature is exceptionally well written, he must take lessons from this guy:

Give it a listen here: troll

Well that’s it for today folks shows over!

I know right, total bullshit! Sadly much like the Amazon EC2 cluster outage, our audio recorder went down right about the time where you could find out if that horny coed was going to get laid. Think of it this way, you are deprived of humor, and I am deprived of tape that could get me a job anywhere in Iowa! IOWA BITCHES!

I asked the engineers if they were working on restoring the audio and they said

fuck that